Having a baby is one of the most exciting and incredible things you’ll ever experience. Many expectant mothers have a birth plan of some kind or an expectation of how the birth will go. In a perfect world, labor and delivery would go smoothly every time. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.
Sometimes, birth doesn’t go as planned. You could be faced with an emergency medical situation, or something might happen in the delivery process that you didn’t plan for. That can be scary and even traumatic, even if your baby is born perfectly healthy.
So, what can you do to cope if that happens? How can you deal with the lingering effects of a birth that didn’t go as planned?
Embrace Flexibility
While having a birth plan in place is a good guideline, make sure your expectations are realistic. Ideally, you’ll adopt a flexible attitude before you give birth, recognizing that there are many variables in the labor and delivery process, and things might not always go according to plan.
If you’ve already given birth and it didn’t go as expected, take time to reflect. Did your doctors have to adjust something for the baby’s health or your safety? Why didn’t things go according to plan?
You can debrief with your partner or a close friend about the birthing experience — the good, the bad, and the ugly. They can help you have clarity about the situation and give you another perspective. Talking it out can help you process the many emotions that come with giving birth, and it can help ease your fears.
Practice Self-Care
With a new baby at home, you’re probably putting all your time, energy, and focus into caring for them. That’s especially true if you had a traumatic birthing experience and you’re doing everything you can to make sure that little one is okay.
But it’s just as important to take care of yourself. It’s easy for new moms to experience burnout. Plus, if you had a traumatic birthing experience, you might be at a greater risk of developing postpartum depression.
Do what you can to prioritize sleep, eat healthy meals, and take care of your mental health. Try things like journaling, mindfulness, or meditation to dig deeper into your emotions and process them in healthy ways rather than keeping your struggles inside.
Give Yourself Time
Don’t assume you should “get over it” quickly if your birthing experience didn’t go as planned. Again, it can be incredibly traumatic, and there’s no timeline for healing.
Give yourself time to process what happened and even to grieve the loss of the plan you had in mind. You can still celebrate the fact that your baby is happy and healthy while grieving the experience you had to go through. No matter how long it takes, processing your experience is essential if you truly want to heal.
Talk to Someone
One reason you might be struggling to cope is that you’re keeping your emotions and thoughts about your labor and delivery to yourself. Opening up to someone is essential. If possible, talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. They’re closest to the situation and likely to show the most empathy.
Talking to a mental health professional if you’re struggling can also be helpful. A therapist can help you better understand the trauma you’ve gone through. They’ll also work with you to develop strategies you can use to overcome it.
No matter how happy you are with your bundle of joy in the world, it’s okay not to be okay if your birth didn’t go as planned. Feel free to contact me, and we’ll talk more about how you can cope with those emotions.
Jennifer Perera is a mom of two boys, a spouse and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is also Certified as a Perinatal Mental Health Professional by Postpartum Support International. She has a private practice in Springfield, New Jersey and also sees clients throughout New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Illinois via telehealth. Her passion is helping new moms and dads find their joy again in parenthood through individual and couples counseling. She also runs workshops for new parents, teaching them techniques and strategies to help them have a stronger relationship - built to thrive during the parenthood years. Jennifer specializes in working with parents during the prenatal and postpartum periods and those coping with grief or loss issues surrounding pregnancy.